March 19, 2021

How To Spend $1,400 On Your Cat

Our Kitty Correspondent this week is comedian and cat dad Rich Williams. We’re excited to announce he’s returning for our CatCon From Your Couch encore April 17-18th. Follow @richmwilliams on Instagram for more kitty hijinks!

The Internal Revenue Service, governmental institution and well-documented cat advocacy group (fact check me on that), wants you to use your stimulus check to drop a cool grand and then some on your cat. Here are a few ideas but feel free to get creative, too!

 


Litter Robot

It’s the 21st Century and it’s high time your cat poops like it. This $499.99 (app-controlled!) litter box is what Elon Musk would poop in if he were a cat. Which… he… isn’t?

 

Freeze Dried Treats: $3.09

The way to a cat’s heart is through it’s tummy-tum-tum. $1,400 will buy 453 bags. That’s a lot of love.

 


The Hoiru Cat Wheel  is the sexiest, modernist, wheeliest cat wheel on the market today. It costs a head-spinning, cat-spinning $999 but what doesn’t little Petunia deserve?

 

The Crystal Clear Lotus Cat Tower: $5,000.

No, really. It’s acrylic, clear, furry and Joey B is picking 28% of the bill (or more, if you have dependents -wink-).

 

Banana Catnip Toy

This ever-popular toy costs $6. The stimulus will buy a useful 233-234 (depending on shipping costs) of these.

 

Custom Stained Glass Portrait : $170

If people can’t always see my cat from the window, then I want my window to be my cat. I’ll start with 9, ok, 10, please.

 

Double Decker Pet Stroller

Be. Seen. With this early 90’s polo shirt turned pet stroller. Make a statement while taking a $399.99 chunk out of that $1400 brick weighing you down.

 

Versace Rokko Cheetah

Does Salem need a $1,325 companion? This 18” hand-painted, porcelain-finished statue is the strong, silent, gaudy, extravagant friend we all need.

 

Cat Litter

Biden’s Bucks will get 3100-5,900lbs (prices vary) of cat litter, to be approximate. Might seem extravagant, but you’ll need it after buying so many chicken treats.

 

Well, that about wraps it up. Hopefully, these few humble suggestions for how to spend on your cat got your creative juices flowing or your shopping carts full. Thanks to the feline-forward thinking of the IRS, the boopers of America will be riding high sailing into Springtime 2021!

 

CatCon From Your Couch Tickets are On Sale Now!

Sign up here to be the first to know about the latest CatCon news!


SHARE THIS